How to Take Responsibility for Your Own Life

You Create Your Life, So Take Responsibility

Choose to let go of the “victim” mentality, and take responsibility for your life.

This creates choice and empowers you.

Taking personal responsibility is about personal power, not blame.

You can control how you feel, how you behave, the people and situations you attract or to which you are attracted, and the meanings you assign to what happens.

Our values, create our beliefs about the world and how it works. Our beliefs, in turn, generate our ideas, desires and judgement, our thoughts. In their turn, thoughts create our feelings and the meanings we give to things. Ultimately, feelings determine our behaviors, the steps we take, our actions.

Values –> Beliefs –> Thoughts –> Feelings –> Actions = Your Results in Life

Our culture popularizes victim-hood. No one is responsible for anything that happens to them. Taking responsibility seems to be too much work. Really, remaining a victim is a difficult struggle.

How to Become Conscious

  • Identify your favorite ways of going unconscious
  • Be vigilant in noticing them
  • ​Be the witness to what is happening
  • Be committed to developing that part of you that stands aside and notices what you are doing, feeling, or thinking, as you do it; watching without judgement or comment, just watching with curiosity, like a scientist.

Let whatever happens be okay, and take some time, especially when you feel an uncomfortable emotion, to just watch yourself have it. Remember to breathe!

Three Levels of Awareness

Level 1 Awareness:

At this level, you don’t know your mind creates what happens. This is where most people are. This is the lowest level, where you believe your automatic and unconscious hallucination of life is reality.

You feel like a victim. Your feelings just happen to you, your behaviors seem to just happen, and your results seem to just happen.

You think other people made you feel a certain way, or do a certain thing. You don’t understand the difference between a trigger and a cause.

If there is only one possible response, the stimulus is a cause. If there is more than one possible response, if different people respond in different ways to the same stimulus, the stimulus is a trigger.

An important side issue of Level 1 responsibility is that people confuse responsibility with blame. People who are concerned about not being blamed almost always have been abused or traumatized in some way.

Begin taking responsibility by accepting that you are responsible for the feelings and behaviors you have—even if you cannot see how you are creating them.

Most feelings and behaviors are conditioned responses, and you automatically and unconsciously feel or behave in a certain manner when you are stimulated in a certain way.

If you change the parts of your internal map of reality that created this response, then you will have a completely different feeling, followed by a completely different behavior.

Level 2 Awareness:

The second level is one where you choose the hallucination you create. You may or may not realize it’s a hallucination, but at least it’s created with intention.

You choose what happens to you in Level 2, rather than responding on autopilot. You know what you do inside your head determines what you experience inside and around you. You acknowledge that every feeling, every behavior is coming from you. You are responsible for what you create, and you acknowledge the states you experience.

You always try to choose your reaction to each event. You focus on resourceful thoughts and feelings. Freedom is choosing how to feel, the state you are in, and how you behave.

You gain control over your life when you take responsibility for the fact that you can choose your thoughts, behaviors and the meanings you assign to circumstances.

Level 3 Awareness:

 In the third level, you know that what you believe about reality involves pretending that there are separate things and separate events, that there is a separate you that does things to other separate things. You see your mind’s creations as conceptual rather than real.

You don’t need to do something about being a separate self because the whole bogus problem is based on a hallucination, an idea, that really isn’t true.

Duality is a sham because extremes can only exist in opposition to each other. They are different sides of the same coin. There is no light without darkness, no self without other.

Ultimately, nothing is separate. Everything is connected to everything else.

It therefore follows that you are everything.

The idea of being a separate individual is created by your mind. Knowing this, you step out of the world of the mind, and release the notion of separateness

Double Bind Examples

​A double bind is a demand, request or requirement to do something voluntarily and spontaneously.

For example, you may have heard someone say, “You will show me respect,” or “Just act naturally.”

Of course, this makes no sense. You can’t be forced to do something voluntarily!

In order to take responsibility for what you create, it’s implied that there’s a separate you who creates your reality. Ultimately that isn’t true.

Enlightened masters will tell you to stop clinging to the idea of yourself as being separate. They will tell you that feeling separate increases your suffering.

However, wanting to stop grasping is a new way of grasping. It’s an interesting bind. The power of the awakened person lies in knowing the universe is the doer, through them. 

The importance of being self aware

The way to empower yourself is to take responsibility. You can only take responsibility  for something if you are aware of it happening. After all, awareness is the critical ingredient in self-awareness, and it give you options. In fact, the most important aspect of self awareness is that it gives you choice because it makes unseen things driving your behaviour known to you, so you can make changes.

How to  be more aware

Bring your awareness to your internal dialog and pictures as they form in your head throughout the day. Notice how your internal representations influence your internal states. Your thoughts and feelings are connected.

If you woke up feeling good, and then something happened that put you in a bad mood, become aware of your internal dialogue and representations of what happened. Negative thoughts create bad feelings, while positive thoughts create good feelings.

Practice bringing your awareness to your internal thoughts and dialog and pictures, and your feelings for 5 minutes, 3 times a day. Choose anytime that works for you. Perhaps when you get up, at lunch and before bed.

Remember, our values, create our beliefs about the world and how it works. Our beliefs, in turn, generate our ideas, desires and judgement, our thoughts. In their turn, thoughts create our feelings and the meanings we give to things. Ultimately, feelings determine our behaviors, the steps we take, our actions.

Values –> Beliefs –> Thoughts –> Feelings –> Actions = Your Results in Life

Every outcome in our life stems from our values, so it’s important to explore and become aware of our values. Please download the following free workbook to assess your values, so you can become more self aware today.

What Makes You Tick?

                 Explore your values to understand your:


                 *Perceptions


                 *Beliefs


                 *Judgements


                 *Actions


                 *Results


                 Awareness creates change

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